The Competitive Mom

The thing I can't stand about some of these celebrity moms is how over identified they are with their children. The child is simply not allowed to have its own identity. A good example of this is Surie Cruise. The two are parading around in identical Armani outfits and Katie recently got a haircut to match her daughter's. The problem is that in Katie's case she looks more like she is trying to compete with her child than anything. In fact in some photos it is hard to tell who looks younger, Katie or Surie?

Some moms would probably really disagree with me but I think it is a big mistake to make your kid into your twin. It demons you by making you look younger and it makes the kid wonder who the parents are. You should not try to be narcissistic with your child unless you want to develop a full-blown codependency with him or her. Even real twins are not encouraged to dress alike or wear similar haircuts these days because it is toxic psychologically. A child needs to develop his or her own sense of self.

Another example of a mom that competes with her kid is Lindsay Lohan's mom. This is a mother that dresses like her daughter, goes out to all of the same night clubs as her and basically appropriates her identity wherever possible. She also drinks a lot and is into the celerity lifestyle of all night partying so it is not surprising that Lindsay turned out to be such a lush. This type of mother daughter competition is becoming so severe in celebrity land that even Dr. Phil did a show about it.

A competitive mom usually starts showing their jealousy of their own child quite young by stealing their friends, hobbies and styles of clothing. This often extends into adolescence when flirting with the boyfriend's beco0mes an issue.

According to an episode done on the Today show this t type of syndrome is more common than we think. The one gunmanship continues into adult hood. The mother makes comments that are a stab to her daughter's heart sitting there competing for the attentions of her husband and children.

I guess the moral of this story is that if you do not have a strong personality or emotional center than you probably should not have children. The damage you can do to a daughter by being competitive with her is immense. Jennifer Aniston is also a very famous example of this and so was Anna Nicole Smith. Mothers who competed with them with the result raised both that both were dumped completely from their daughter's lives.

The key is to let your daughter be who she is going to be and not to try and control her by insisting you wear the same clothes or have the same haircut. Remember that your child is not an extension of you. She is much more than that.

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Is Your Kid Depressed?

 Depression is a serious health problem that affects children as well as adults. A child can get depression after the loss of a loved one or a traumatic emotional event. Children who have been abused or constantly criticized can also develop chronic depression,

 Sometimes it is hard for depression to be diagnosed in a child. Often the child seems as lazy as the child suffers fatigue and may insist on lying around. The lack of motivation and energy that goes along with depression may be seen as stubbornness. Like adults, children who are depressed either overeat or undereat and develop a dislike of exercising and socializing. They may also become disinterested in their usual hobbies and interests.

Children that are most likely to experience depression are those who have experienced the loss of a pet or loved one (such as a parent or a sibling and those who already are experiencing some kind of disability or learning disorder such as Asperger's syndrome, dyslexia or Attention Deficit Disorder. If not treated depression can lead to failing grades, violence, alcohol, drug use and obesity 

A child with depression – 

Will wear clothes that cover most of the skin on the body

May insist on wearing the same thing every day

Refuses to look anyone in the eye

Uses his or her hair to cover the faceIs always irritable

Cries easilyIs unusually sarcastic or sardonic

May tell morbid tales or be obsessed with death

Prefers to watch television all day

Falls asleep at school or refuses to get up in the morning

Has insomnia or wakes up too early in the morning

Refuses to make decisions

Has many vague physical problems such as stomachaches and headaches

Cries easily

Shows inappropriate emotion or none at all (such as laughing at the death of a pet)

Talks about death or suicide

Talks about running away from home (apparently four out of five runaways were motivated by depression to leave home)

 The sad fact is that as many as one in every three children and one in eight adolescents living in the United States might have depression. This is according to a health study done in 1996. 

Another fact is that teenage girls are more likely to suffer from depression –at least according to the National Institute of Mental Health. There is also quite a bit of evidence that depression is hereditary so if you have a relative in the family with the disorder it is likely that one of your children or you may suffer from it too. 

The consequences of untreated depression in childhood can be devastating as your child grows older For one thing it is a precursor for all sorts of personality disorders and serious depression in adult hood. It also means that your child is at increased risk for such problems as addiction, alcoholism, manic depression and suicide. 

 The fact that it can be so dehabilitating when your child becomes an adult is why it is so important for parents, teachers and guardians to detect depression in children early before it becomes a chronic and self-sabotaging chronic condition that lasts a lifetime.

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