The Competitive Mom

The thing I can't stand about some of these celebrity moms is how over identified they are with their children. The child is simply not allowed to have its own identity. A good example of this is Surie Cruise. The two are parading around in identical Armani outfits and Katie recently got a haircut to match her daughter's. The problem is that in Katie's case she looks more like she is trying to compete with her child than anything. In fact in some photos it is hard to tell who looks younger, Katie or Surie?

Some moms would probably really disagree with me but I think it is a big mistake to make your kid into your twin. It demons you by making you look younger and it makes the kid wonder who the parents are. You should not try to be narcissistic with your child unless you want to develop a full-blown codependency with him or her. Even real twins are not encouraged to dress alike or wear similar haircuts these days because it is toxic psychologically. A child needs to develop his or her own sense of self.

Another example of a mom that competes with her kid is Lindsay Lohan's mom. This is a mother that dresses like her daughter, goes out to all of the same night clubs as her and basically appropriates her identity wherever possible. She also drinks a lot and is into the celerity lifestyle of all night partying so it is not surprising that Lindsay turned out to be such a lush. This type of mother daughter competition is becoming so severe in celebrity land that even Dr. Phil did a show about it.

A competitive mom usually starts showing their jealousy of their own child quite young by stealing their friends, hobbies and styles of clothing. This often extends into adolescence when flirting with the boyfriend's beco0mes an issue.

According to an episode done on the Today show this t type of syndrome is more common than we think. The one gunmanship continues into adult hood. The mother makes comments that are a stab to her daughter's heart sitting there competing for the attentions of her husband and children.

I guess the moral of this story is that if you do not have a strong personality or emotional center than you probably should not have children. The damage you can do to a daughter by being competitive with her is immense. Jennifer Aniston is also a very famous example of this and so was Anna Nicole Smith. Mothers who competed with them with the result raised both that both were dumped completely from their daughter's lives.

The key is to let your daughter be who she is going to be and not to try and control her by insisting you wear the same clothes or have the same haircut. Remember that your child is not an extension of you. She is much more than that.

About Dyslexia

What is dyslexia? Chances are that if you are reading this — you don’t have it. According to Louise Brazeau-Ward, founder and director of the Canadian Dylsexia Centre in Ottawa “a dyslexic (someone who suffers from dyslexia) is someone, who due to inherited or medical reason, organizes information in a different way. A dyslexic sees the word in a three dimensional, intuitive way that causes them difficulty in anything to do with reading, writing and speaking. Dyslexics have the capacity to see in 3D and visualize at a rapid rate. This extra perceptual ability is a blessing as well as a curse.”

The symptoms of dyslexia vary, because according Gerry Grant, Director of Dyslexia Solutions in Princeton Ontario “it doesn’t just affect reading or writing skills. It can affect the way a person orients their body in space or the way they perceive time. It also extends to how people see numbers…. the mixing up of numbers is called dyscalculia.

However, the main symptom of dyslexia seems to manifest, around the age of nine, as an inability to read or write. I am already wondering if my nine-year-old son has it, as he is so slow at reading.

I am worried as this is problem that can last a lifetime. There are no real statistics about how many people have dyslexia, because it is often confused with other related disorders such as attention deficit disorder and emotional problems. People who have dyslexia often have low self-esteem and feel stupid. The fact is that most dyslexics are of above average intelligence. We have been led to believe that dyslexia is the result of a genetic flaw or nerve damage or that it was caused by a malformation of brain, inner ears or eyes. Dyslexia is actually a product of thought and a special way of reacting to confusion and disorientation. And it is not limited to reversals of letters and words.”

However there is a doctor called Charles Drake who claims: “Dyslexia is the wave of the future.” We practically live the experience of a dyslexic every time we visit a website. The experience is non-verbal and reliant on abstract thought and linking in unorthodox, non-linear ways. Grant comments on the “modern” headset of the dyslexic “dyslexics think in terms of pictures. They already see in 3D. It is an effort for them to see in the print medium, which is two D. They are all about creativity and visualization.” In other words, dyslexics see more like filmmakers than writers.

Most of us suffer a little bit of dyslexia, especially when fatigued, stressed or tired. It is mainly experienced as a reversal of letters and words. However, other symptoms include “reading or writing with additions, omissions, substitutions and repetitions. Dyslexics will also transpose one letter for another or confuse left and right with over and under. Other concrete symptoms include, having difficulty telling or managing time, being on time or breaking down information and tasks. Dyslexics also often mispronounce long words. Does that sound like your kid? Or does it sound like you? It is not a problem that is ever solved. You just have to work with.