One mistake I made when my baby was born was to turn into a control freak. I just would not let others help me with my problems. It's because I felt like I had to be hands on all the time. I was particularly mean to my partner that way. He felt like I did not trust him.
The truth is that I made a mistake by not letting the father of my child help me more. I did not give him the chance to help me with the baby. I treated him like he was clueless and therefore he acted like he was. It was not that I deliberately set him up to fail but I did not encourage him to help me as much as I should have. I also felt like I was going to have to teach him everything.
I regret that attitude especially as I see how great he is with the children now. I realize that he could have learned by trial and error how to take care of the kids just like I did. I was just as clueless as him when I took home our very first child.
Very few husbands walk away from helping. However there are that few that go 'You are much better than me than that stuff.' Don't let your husband get away with this. He is just as responsible as you for the post labor predicaments that take place. If you don't give them an opportunity to practice their parenting skills they will never learn them at all.
I found too that I had great success with simply turning to other women for help. I had many neighbours take me under their wings. As I was new when I first moved here they helped me find everything from a paediatrician to a yoga class to a preschool. They also kept me sane after the baby was born. I really do think that the wisdom and compassion of other women is absolutely essential after you give birth. It seems that only another mother can truly understand how excited, overwhelmed and scared we feel when we first have a baby. Let's face it! It is just too hard to talk to a man about things like nipple latching' or nipple cream.
Yet another good reason for bonding with women in your neighbourhood simply to help each other with things likes babysitting. I shared a sitter twice a week with one neighbour just to give my other kids some play time together and to keep the total costs of my babysitting down.
You might also have to eliminate friends who are just not that helpful or critical of your mothering skills. Some of us have friends that are giant children in themselves. They are like grown up little girls and expect you to mother them even after you have had a child of your own. Needy girlfriends may no longer be able to get the attention that they seek from you.
