How Single Moms Can Assess A Date

If you are a parent then you are assessing your date for his long term potential as a mate. It is all too easy early in the game to meet someone online or offline and then give into wishful thinking about suitability for a parent.

Maturity matters because the last thing you need to do is look after another kid. What you are looking for is someone who is going to help you, not be a burden to you for any reason.

People make excuses for people they are attracted to all for the time. Women especially excuse potential dates for immature or downright dishonest behavior because they are tired, newly divorced, under too much stress or simply tired of looking for a mate. Many people settle for less because they don't have the faith that they can find someone better.
The early warning signs that someone is going to be irresponsible are always there. They include –
• Unpredictability
• Unreliability
• Saying they will be in one place and then you find out they are in another
• Standing you up
• Lying about the past
• Lying about the present
• Throwing a tantrum when they do not get their way
• Blaming any flaws in your young relationship on you
• Lack of commitment or being able to talk about it.
• Ogling other people when with you
• Only being interested in sex
• Does not return calls
• An inability to communicate
• Talking constantly about the past or an ex
• Seems secretive
Women in particular should watch out for men who never call them. Let the male call you as that means he is interested and going to some effort to be with you.

If you are talking to the potential date online through chat or email signs that he or she might be a good mate are ..
• Prompt responses to emails or ims
• Spells wells
• Has a sense of humor
• Never belittles you or a member of the opposite sex (note that this applies to both men and women and the word misogynist applies to both sexes)
• The profile picture does not look fake or doctored
• Answers all of your questions
• Does not create confusion or mysteries on purpose
• Does not appear to be drunk or upset when they talk to you

It is also a good idea to date a person that you feel is right for you and your kids on multiple levels and not because he or she has one thing – the right chemistry or is filthy rich for example.

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Are You Looking for a Parent for Your Kids?

When you are a single parent you are not necessarily looking for someone to have sex with or for you to fall in love with. You are also looking for someone who will make a good parent and who your kids will fall in love with as well!

The biggest mistake you can make as a single parent is to become attracted to someone who is not interested in being a parent and then try to convince them that they are fit for the job. It is also amazing how much we go into denial when we think we have met 'the one' by projecting qualities on them that they don't have such as maturity, responsibility and solvency.

The bottom line is that anyone you date should be willing and able to be a parent to begin with. Resolve that you will not settle for anything less right from the beginning and you will not waste any time meeting exactly who you want.

When dating you want to be with someone who –
• Likes kids and is willing to spend time together as a family
• Is a great communicator
• Has a great sense of humor
• Has a good credit rating
• Makes money so he or she can contribute to the household
• Does what is expected without being asked
• Is a good provider or nurturer
• Is not afraid of housework
• Is faithful
• Knows how to reassure your kids
• Is in it for 'the long haul'
It is also a fairly good idea to do a bit of a background check on the person that you are considering getting into a long-term relationship with. Make sure that he or she is not is not addicted, alcoholic or abusive in any way. You should also stay away from people with bad credit ratings, excessive debt, a criminal past or who suffer from diseases like OCD, manic-depression or schizophrenia. All of these factors add up to describing someone who is irresponsible and that is not who you and your kids want to be spending quality time with.

One of the worst things you can do is date someone for a long time and then at the last minute reveal that you have children. This is one sure way to drive someone away. You will look secretive and manipulative and breed suspicion and mistrust.

Be honest when you fill in your profile. Don’t be afraid of telling everyone that you have a child. Yet another thing to remember is that lying about your children only hurts them in the end. It is not worth the resentment it causes in your future spouse when they feel 'saddled' with a family that they did not necessarily know came with loving you.

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