What If Your Kids Don’t Like Your New Mate

Kids that are missing a parent tend to always wish and hope that the missing parent will come back. If a new person appears in a parental role then the child may see him or her as a block to the real parent coming back.

It is almost inevitable that your kids will resist you dating or meeting new people simply because humans are hard-wired to be attached to the original parent. However there are some things that you can do to avoid the worst case scenario of your kid resenting you and absolutely hating who you have chosen to bond with.

There are several ways to introduce your child or children to your new mate to avoid the worst case scenario.
First of all accept that there may be some protests and don't stress about it. Address your child's concerns but don't argue with him or her. Recognize the hurt feelings but do not argue with the child so a dramatic situation can escalate.

Be very clear and explain to your children that just like they need playtime with other kids you need to spend time with other adults.

Encourage the child to express any feelings of distress but make it known that their emotions and opinions will not dictated the course of your love life. If the child feels neglected show through your actions, not promises, that you will be spending more time with him or her. Never promise a kid that they will have final approval of whoever you are with.

Make sure that the introduction of your new significant other takes place only after you have prepared a bit of groundwork first. Get your child used to the idea that you will be meeting him or her soon.

It is also best to take the drama out of a first meeting by making it very casual. Your first date should be focused on an activity and not on people. It is a good idea to do something like meet at a playground or go to see a movie or baseball game. This will help enhance your child's positive associations with the person.

You could be dating the best new Daddy in the world but if your kid does not like him your relationship could turn into a living hell. If your child is resentful, depressed, failing in school, rebellious or even violent as the result of your actions you have two options.

1) You can end the relationship. Unfortunately this may be your only recourse if you see that your child is truly going to be screwed up as the result thing of your actions. Self-sacrifice is usually part of being an adult. You might have to wait until your child is more mature or psychologically able to handle a new person in a family before you start dating again.

2) You can try taking the child to therapy which often works to help accept the newcomer into your family circle.

There is no absolute wrong or right in this sort of situation. It is up to you decide whether or not a new relationship is going to be worth your kid's sanity or if you can be patient and wait until the child is better adjusted before dating again. In this case, it is not about letting the child run your life or giving the kid all the power. It is about being flexible so that your child grows up healthy.

Emotional Obstacles for Single Moms

Some newly single moms feel guilty at the very thought of dating. Even though their ex betrayed them, they still feel like they are betraying the 'family' (especially the children) if they move on and try and find another spouse.

You have to find the emotional muscle to drop that baggage from the past or you will never put out the vibe that you are 'unattached' to others with the end result that nobody will be interested.

Yet another unique problem is that sometimes our former spouses are still in our lives and trying to prevent us from seeing new people. In this case you need to find the nerve to set boundaries with your ex and also explain that he or she has no choice in the matter when it comes to you seeing new people.

Keeping your ex on a 'need to know basis' is also a good idea in this scenario.' This means using someone else as a babysitter when you go out.

When it is time to start dating, you can start sharpening your mind again by reading the paper and catching up on current events. Sooner or later, you are going to have to talk to an adult —whether you like it or not!

In order to become this confident, happy and sexy person that others will want to date you first have to check any emotional baggage or chips that you may have on your shoulder at the door. Without the psychological muscle to dispense with these matters you will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, always talking about your ex or projecting bitter experiences and unpleasant qualities onto a newcomer.

It also helps to be diplomatic with your time to make sure everyone that you love is getting an equal shake. This is especially true if you find yourself falling in love with someone you meet while you are dating. You must be careful not to create confusion and insecurity with your kids as they often resent people who they see as stealing or replacing a parent in their lives.

The key is to go slowly. Do not introduce the new person to anyone unless you are really certain that it is going to have long term potential. If you introduce someone who is not going to stick around it creates a lot of tension and emotional problems for your children . Most children of single parents are already suffering from psychological issues of abandonment.

A date that is worth having in your life is one who is going to understand the need for you to ease him or her gently into your family circle.