When Mom Needs a Time Out

Its not just kids that are bad. Sometimes mom gets cranky so she needs a time out. Kids do not tell Mom to take a time out. She tells herself it is time to go. However she does not sit in the corner. Instead she treats herself to a time out in spa or overnight at a hotel.

The reason time outs are so important for moms is that if she is not happy then nothing can go smoothly. Sometimes the pressure of being a mom is too much and for the good of everybody she needs to a bit of escaping. She does not have to do it often. Maybe a time out is only necessary every three to six months. It really does depend on the individual and how much is going on in life. After all it is extremely important for Mom not to neglect to take care of herself. That is because it is her role to provide a safe stable home environment. If you have sole custody and your ex-husband lives far away, you play both roles of Mom and Dad. It can be very draining financially and physically.

Mom desperately needs a separate identity and life from her children or she will talk in baby talk all day. When your children are adolescents it is not as hard as they don't want as much to do with you anyway. They may even spend a lot of time avoiding you.

Although having children is a blessing you also need a break from them every now and then. If you can't take a big break then you might want to make sure you have a hobby you would like to be involved in. You might also want to make sure you link up regularly with friends. It also helps to get a babysitter or get your mom to watch the kids and go on a day trip every now and then. Visit places that you have always wanted to go to.

You have to put yourself first every once and a while as that is really essential, to remaining a healthy, stable person.

Personally I like to get a sitter for a night and a day and check into a nearby hotel. It is just downtown and the hotel has a spa. If something happens to the kids I am only about twenty minutes away. I try to time my escapes during times in my life when other people, like their Dad, are around to take care of the children. I never take a time out when a c held is sick or in a crisis. That is not the point.

If I am really stressed but can't get away I lock my bedroom door and take a nap. Or I take a long relaxing bath with the door locked. Taking just a few hours every now and then to myself does wonders fro my mood which of course always results in better behavior from the children.

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Getting to Know Stepkids

I have my own kids but I also have stepkids. Getting to know them has been a challenge. This is because I did not count on them as being as aware of their situation or capable of judging me so acutely. In fact if I have ever done anything wrong it has to do without giving them enough credit. The fact is they are human beings and they need to adjust to things. Pretending that they don't need that is the worst thing you can do but that is exactly what most people do …pretend the kids are like littler robots. The opposite is true. Children are very sensitive to even the subtlest of shifts in family dynamics.

My stepkids were quite young when I first met their dad. My stepson was six and my stepdaughter was 4. They had a real difficulty adjusting to the four children that were mine suddenly entering their life.

Weirdly I was closer to them in the beginning of the relationship then I was in the years further down the line. Blending my family together was harder than I thought and it was not the fault of the stepkids. Sometimes my own kids were feeling replaced.

As our family was now a whopping six kids I found myself neglecting all of them. This is because my new husband and I were spending all of our time managing schedules or money. There just was not enough time for one on ones with them. It was like I lost touch with them. Then emotional problems and conflicts started happening. It was because I was not there to extend a helping hand to them in the first place.

Yet another trial I had to face was the admitting to myself that they did not see me as being one of the families. I assumed it for the longest time but then I overheard them talking one day. I was not really 'one of them.' Their idea of family was their dad and the mom that they felt should be living with them. I was not a bad guy but I was certainly no replacement for their biological mother and I would never live up to her image in a million years. At first my feelings were hurt by this but in time I learned to accept it.

Don't expect this situation to change fast either. My stepdaughter does also not want to admit that her parents will never get back together. This is normal, but can be upsetting to a stepmom to hear as it is makes you feel so helpless and powerless.

Children are also more territorial than the worst of alpha dogs. Expect to do a lot of separating and Time Outs as your children will fight continually with your children over he stupidest things.

There are some things that you can do that can really help this situation. One of them is to definitely make friends with their real mom or other parent if he or she exists. I was blessed with a friendly situation so this was possible.

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