I was talking to a single mom friend of mine the other day and then I realized she was depressed. She told me the source of her depression was the fact that her partner had left her and was not paying child support. My real opinion though is that the source of her depression was really that she was putting herself in a victim role.
Depression and not standing up for you go hand in hand. Depressed people are often misunderstood because of this.
Depressed people are non assertive because they have a tendency to think badly of themselves. They are ready to blame themselves if something goes wrong.
They also have ea tendency to exaggerate problems. Everything is a catastrophic. They also take everything that happens personally.
They also believe that life is either one way or another. There is no gray area. They do not believe that they have chokes and that they are at the mercy of circumstances.
The bottom line is that if you think you are a victim you will be.
There are strategies for counteracting non assertive thoughts.
First of all you need to be familiarize yourself with what situations and individuals make you feel powerless
You also need to notice when you have a string of negative depressing thoughts. If you don't feel well, check your thinking. Retrace your thoughts and stop the parade of negative images that are dragging you down.
Remember to be firm and gentle with yourself. Practice that positive inner dialogue. Get rid of the inner critic and talk to yourself in compassionate kind tones.
If you are in the wrong about something make sure to own up and apologize. Do not mentally torture yourself for hours, days or a year. Offer to make things right.
If someone does give you a dirty look or makes a strange sound then just ask them directly 'Would care to share the reason for that?'
The same thing goes for someone who gives you a backhanded compliment. If someone says 'That color looks fantastic on you. You sure needed some color' ask for clarification. It makes the other person accountable for what you have just said.
You should also avoid making everything into a worst case scenario. Stop imagining the worst and you will naturally be more assertive.
You should also be careful of knee jerk reactions. These are thoughts that are automatic. Some of them are very negative and been with you for years.
Put your assertive foot down with others and they will see you as you should – as a good and worthy person. You are your own best friend and you are just as important as any other person on earth.
Once others see this then you are usually treated with more respect.
