The Six A’s of Parenting

I ran across an interesting audiotape the other day called the six A's of parenting. These suggestions are from The Six A's of Relational Parenting by Josh McDowell (available as an audio only.) The Six A's are as follows –

 A – Affirmation. This stands for affirming your child's feelings. It means listening carefully when your child is trying to tell why he is happy or sad.  An important component of this is to not ever downplay your child's feelings. For instance if the child says he is disappointed in someone you are never to say something like 'Oh, get over it.' You are also not to belittle an upset child by saying something like 'Oh, you are a big boy now and big boy's don't cry!' 

A – Acceptance.  This principle is conceived on the premise that in order for your kid to be emotionally health that he or she must know that you will always accept and love him or her no matter what he or she does. The child needs to know that you love him or her because you are the mom. Love and affection should not be based on achievement, good grades and whether or not a person has good or bad behavior. 

A – Appreciation.  To develop a healthy sense of self-esteem your child needs to know when he or she is good. He or she also needs to be appreciated 'just because.'  However approval from mom is a powerful motivation for a child to do the right thing all of the time. 

A – Availability. One genius thing that Josh McDowell brings up is 'Children spell the word Love – T-I-M-E.  If you are not available to your child he or she will not feel loved by you.  Time is also worth more to a kid then all of the gifts in the world. 

A – Affection.  Children that feel like they are loved are more likely to be motivated to please you. A parent that is critical or abusive does not motivate them. If they don't get love from you they will try and get it from somewhere else. 

A – Accountability.  Children need to know when they are responsible if a mistake is made. Even if no punishment is in order they need to know when they have stepped over the line. This creates a context for rules and boundaries and teaches a child the disciplines of responsibility and self-control. Of course the above is just a very short summary of what The Six A's of Relational Parenting is about and the tape goes into much more detail.

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Throw A Baby Shower For Her Not You!

I'm a little bit disgusted. I went to a baby shower today but it seems like the friend who threw the shower did it more for her then she did for the mother. The mother to be really likes Victorian things, is a vegetarian and is a bit shy.  So she was a bit aghast when she walked in to find herself confronted by clotheslines hanging with hand me down clothes, big meat lasagna and women playing 'who has the poopy diaper.'  However the woman who threw the shower has more this sense of humor.   They also served chocolate cake when I know that the mom-to-be's favorite flavor is lemon. 

My point here is that he intention of a baby shower is to throw the expectant one a party she will love! The intention literally shower the mother with blessings, gifts and the good will of her best friends. It is not a religious rite, although as late as the forties and fifties, baby showers were thrown in conjunction with a baptism or a christening. 

If you are asked to throw a baby shower for a good friend don't tell yourself that all that matters is that you are motivated by your heart. You also need to make some kind of attempt to please her.   Sit down and take the time to figure out what makes her tick, what her taste is and what her favorite colors are. Try to make her as happy as she can be on that special day.

Consciously ask yourself a few questions about the mother. Who is she? What does she like? Is she religious? Is she a feminist? Is she a busy multi-tasker?  Is she struggling financially? Is she sentimental, practical, business-like, shy, formal, friendly?  Is she a stylish individual or is she happiest kicking around in a sweatshirt? Does she drink or is she a member of MADD? Any dietary restrictions?  Does she hate pink?  Can you see her child wearing a black leather jacket instead of the usual furry little pom poms? 

These are the type of things you have to ask yourself before throwing the shower. For instance if she hates arts and crafts don't even think of making a plaster model of her swelling belly –she is going to hate you for that and store the thing in the garage. Sit down and make a list of your friend’s likes and dislikes. This will help inspire you to manifest an event that is uniquely personal to her. 

Rites of passage are deeply personal so it is very important that you don’t string a diaper clothesline across the living room of a stylish status conscious friend or serve lots of cake to a mother with gestational diabetes. Do a little research and make use of available resources.  The biggest mistake that most people make when they throw a party for another person is making the theme more personal to them, than the mother. Those Barbie dishes and towels that you adore collecting, might not suit the mother-to-be who may throw them up on eBay or give the away the first chance she gets!

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