The Effects of ADD on the Family

Children who have been diagnosed with ADD can be disruptive to say the least. Parents are often tempted to use corporal punishment because they feel that nothing less will get a child’s attention. Parents will try everything from emotional black mail to ignoring the problem to care taking in order to try and manage the situation. I know from experience with my nine year old that nothing seems to work.

Unfortunately, individuals with ADD do not respond well to any kind of punishment, whether it is corporeal or emotional. In the case of children, attempting to discipline them with violent acts only teaches them that violence is the best way to resolve conflicts. You cannot teach an individual with ADD to be accountable for their actions. All you can really do is minimize the heart-rending guilt that they feel when they do commit a misdeed.

Many parents of ADHD children are still waiting for their child’s case of the “terrible twos” to be over even after the child has reached adolescence. These impulsive and hyperactive children are often unable to “look before they leap” and cause serious safety threats to the entire family. As children with ADHD are also usually very creative and intelligent, it is difficult to quell their curiosity. They are always getting into medicine cabinets, trying to cook supper on their own and seeing how high they can climb up a tree. To make things worse some ADHD children have perceptual, coordination and balance disorders that affects their judgment when it comes to determining whether or not they are about to put themselves in a precarious position. This also leads to a lot of spills, breakage and loss of valuable property. I should know my nine-year is like a bull in China shop.

Individuals with ADD or ADHD can also cause serious emotional rifts between yourself and other members of your family. For instance, siblings of a child with ADD can act up because they feel they deserve the same kind of attention and focus that is given to the child who is misbehaving all the time. They may also resent the child and shun them from their social circle because they are embarrassed by his or her behavior. Physical and emotional injuries are frequent as conflicts break out between frustrated siblings and baffled sufferers of ADD. My older children are furious I spend so much time withy troubled nine year old.

Parents and spouses of ADD afflicted individuals may also find themselves taking a lot of heat for the behavior of there loved ones. Parents may be admonished by grand parents and friends and advised to discipline the child more often. Some parents may suffer from low self-esteem as the result of repeated accusations of not knowing how to raise a child. Some ADD children scream and act out so much that the neighbors and teachers suspect the parents of abuse. Teachers may also suspect a negligent or abusive family life is behind the child’s disturbed behavior. As the parent of one of these possibly ADD kids I can tell you that this is definitely not the case. I am a good mother. Still it can be hard to tell others why your kid acts up so much.

Tips For Taming Rowdy Kids

The Barrie Journal in Canada recently printed an interesting article about how to keep those rowdy kids in line. The tips actually come from Alan Kazdin who is the director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct Clinic, and he’s president of the American Psychological Association. Still I couldn't help but think his tips were pretty academic, as they sound good in theory.

Here is a condensed version of what I learned in that article. I actually tried a few of these tips to see if they work and unfortunately my conclusion is that they would work on a kid that was a good kid in the first place and not one that had ADD or a real resentment problem.

First of all, the doctor tells us we are supposed to think in terms of the 'positive opposite.' For instance the next time my teen daughter treats me like I am invisible and ignoring me I am not supposed to be negative. Instead of taking the approach that “It drives me crazy when she doesn’t listen,” I am supposed to take a more positive attitude as in “I want her to listen to me the first time I say something.'

I say wanting is one thing and having it happen on the other. It isn't much use practicing 'The Secret' on kids. They like to do the opposite all of the time. I don't think this particular tip is going to be very effective.

His second tip is to use lavish praise on your child. I have actually tried this one. Now I have a very conceited teen who thinks that she should be lavishly praised all of the time. She is still rowdy too. She thinks she is the Queen and flirts too much with men. I try not to criticize her but I think there is such a thing as raising a teen that is too cocky.

Another tip from this book which is called the Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child is to not punish the child. I think I do agree with this one if you have a defiant teen. The reason is that punishing them whips up their adrenalin and makes them even more rowdy. When it comes to these types of kids, what you resist seems to persist.

Furthermore punishment really does seem to affect these defiant kids because they are so sensitive in the first place.

So what do you do exactly if you do have a defiant kid? My police are mainly to try and praise a little more and punish a little less to see if I can achieve a little balance. The problem with this book by Alan Kazin is that it simply does not take into account that my daughter might not even want my approval. The assumption that children do want your approval all of the time is the great flaw that is in that work.